Oh me, oh Jeremiah, that is one great face you have there
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.
Betty White
Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
Are you the morning bus?
'Cause i always miss you...
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
because it felt crumby.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...
It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Hey there cyclist, do you need to use my pump?
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
How do you let a deer know you like her?
You fawn over her.
More candles means a bigger wish!
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
"Whoever says friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!"
— Bronwyn Polson
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
What did the tree say to spring?
What a re-leaf!
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
How can you tell a family doesn't celebrate Christmas? The lights are on, but nobody's a gnome.
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin date.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
“Dear winter, I’m breaking up with you. I think it’s time I start seeing other seasons. Summer is hotter than you.”
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
I just pooped in my bed. Can I sleep in yours?
My friend wasn't accepted for a teaching job because he was cross-eyed
They thought he wouldn't be able to control his pupils.
What did the Power Ranger say after being sent to the hospital?
It's morphine time.
Do you run track? Because you are running laps around my heart.
Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo.
We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds.
Go to BabaMail
