Walk by a girl and say "Are you looking at me? And if she says no say "Damn!" You had me at your impeccable spelling and correct use of grammar.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fossil
Fossil who?
Fossil last time, open the door!
My investment banker used all of my money to buy a leather jacket and a motorcycle, and when I asked for it back he told me to 'sit on it'.
I think he might be running a Fonzi scheme.
What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
Why do astronauts use linux?
because you can't open windows in space.
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I Love All Pizza
Sausage ,Pepperoni, Or Cheese
Pizza Love
Its Forever
In My Heart
It Makes Life Better
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I REALLY LIKE PIZZA
Sausage, Pepperoni, and Cheese.
(Camryn Noell)
Better read than dead.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
"How many Taureans does it take to change a lamp? None. Taureans don't like to change anything."
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
Husband: Who do you like better, a smart guy or a handsome guy?
Wife: Neither. I only like you.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
What kind of camel throws a hissy fit when you milk it?
A drama dairy.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
This palace is a breath of fresh heir!
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
What do a balloon and a man have in common?
One prick pretty much ruins them.
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
Can you tell your tendy to look the other way while I slip one?
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
A man goes to the eye doctor.
He sits down and the receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" to which the man replies, "No, just spots."
You are spud-tacular.
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
"Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park." - Anonymous
What do you call the Earth when it is quaking?
Shakesphere.
I love you deerly.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on?!
Dark-colored huskies found in Colorado can also be termed as dusky huskies!
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
These sea monster jokes are so funny.
They had me kraken!
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
Thanksgiving is a day to be grateful,
Not a day to be grumpy or hateful.
But a burnt pumpkin pie,
And a turkey that's dry,
Might make it hard to be elateful.
- Kim Merryman
Go to BabaMail
