I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
Do you like strawberries or blueberries? - Cuz I need to know what pancakes to make you in the morning.
If Van Gogh were alive today, what might the title of his autobiography be called?
The STARRY of My Life
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
I cannoli have eyes for you.
Tomorrow the planet will be one year older..
Happy bEarthday!
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
Are you aware we are headed to the kissing gate?
A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars zooming past while he waits for a break in traffic.
A chicken walks up to him and says, "Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it."
277 lbs here on Earth is 105 lbs on Mercury. No, I’m not fat. I’m just on the wrong planet.
No taxation without representation! But, there is a kiss tax. Strictly enforced and right on the lips.
Doctor: Are you aware of your sodium intake?
Me: Na.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”
Dale Carnegie
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
You’re as sweet as a flower, and not a daisy goes by when I don’t think of you.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Why did the golfer need new socks?
Because there was a hole in one.
Wow you’re the most beautiful girl I Eva seen
“Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.”
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alfie
Alfie who?
Alfie terrible if you leave!
When you tip the ketchup bottle,
First will come a little, then a lot'll.
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
How will you have communion in the space if you won’t have mass?
Why did the volleyball players like to practice in the library? Their coach said that they’d be doing some reading today.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
My mom's sister once mistook Ritalin for aspirin...
It really upped the aunty!
I know we just met, but I Cairo lot about you.
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
I'm at my best during overtime.
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
What did the police arrest the hospital patient for?
He was under cardiac arrest.
I wish medusa would stop objectifying people.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Hey, I found you! You are the girl of my dreams.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
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