Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
Dreaming in color is the artist's pigment of imagination.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
I love you for all the goofy things you do
I love you even when you don’t know the lyrics to our favorite song
I love you even when you snort when laugh
I love you just the way you are
This is why they say love is blind
(Anonymous)
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.
It wasn't hard work, after all, it was child's play.
Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material!
“Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”
Steve Martin
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
"Just don't carrot all."
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby birthday to you!
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
I think you are a horror movie because I can't sleep when I think about you.
What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?
- Looks like you are running a femur.
When you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
When you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
When you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But fart just one time...
"Check, mate."
"Checkmate."
"Hey! Can I get the check, mate?!?"
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
“It’s Thanksgiving, and we should not want to be together, together!” —Rachel Green, Friends
How do you Charlemange-age to get through the last few days before vacation?
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid
She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.
I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth
You can count on the stars, but you can’t ever count on how much I miss you.
I hate it when the grammar Nazis single me out.
It seems like a which hunt.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
You can donate blood to me anytime since you’re just my type.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
My last chess game went a bit medieval.
We both went for the castle.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
Is it a sin that you stole my heart?
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws?
He was given two consecutive sentences.
Two astronauts who were dating, met up for a launch date.
Turkey, Turkey,
full and fat.
November's near.
You'll soon go splat!
They'll roast you up
and slice you thin.
Oh, what a mess
you're surely in.
Mixed with stuffing
and some sauce.
It's plain to see
the cook is boss.
But what would truly
give you joy. . .
would be a turkey
made of soy!
- Denise Rodgers
What is a cat's favorite color in the rainbow? Purrrrrple of course.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
When I was ten my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party.
That's when I realized that he was her favorite twin.
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” — Cher
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Hey Bella, looking for a fella?
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
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