What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
What goes eek, eek, bang?
A mouse in a minefield!
How do you Charlemange-age to get through the last few days before vacation?
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
“Why do they call it ‘beauty sleep’ when you wake up looking like a troll.”
– Unknown
As the birds fly south
I make reservations to
Go to Florida.
My love for you is like an marathon. It goes on and on.
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
Why do accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures.
My girlfriend told me she will change me.
I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend.
Is there a science room nearby, or am I just sensing chemistry between us?
You make me more excited than gifts under a Christmas tree.
I don't bite you know - unless it's called for.
Hey I love your shoes, they would look even better if they were running alongside me.
Why do leaves change color in the fall? Because they want to leaf their old color.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
Whats the difference between love and marriage?
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
My grandma is 80% Irish.
People call her Iris.
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
"The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed." – Anonymous
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
A newspaper man named Fling,
Could make "copy" from any old thing.
But the copy he wrote,
Of a five dollar note,
Was so good he is now wears so much bling.
Wear green, or leaf.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
"If the hill has its own name, then it's probably a pretty tough hill."
Marty Stern
Maybe you need a little Vitamin ME in your life.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
Life without you would be un-bear-able.
If we were playing tennis, I'd let you score all the points so I'll always be in love.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
I'm Havana dream about you.
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