Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What happened when the koala house party got a little too far out of hand? One of the neighbors koalaed the cops.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny left his treasure
Eggs marks the spot.
What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob.
A priest, a rabbit and a deacon walk into a blood bank.
"I think I might be a type o." said the rabbit.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
"I'm divorcing my wife. I've had enough, I'm going to leave her."
"Why?"
"She's out every night, going to the bars in town way past midnight and I'm fed up with it".
"What's she doing?"
"She's looking for me!"
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
While the blues musician performed his most famous song, balloons of every color were released in the arena. Guess we may get to call it the 'House of Hues'.
I want to create a convention for Irish folks who suffer with leprosy.
I'll call it Leper-Con.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
Summer's over; it's time to chill.
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
Did you hear about the negative nelly who hates German sausage?
He always fears the wurst.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
I'm usually not very prophetic.
But I can see us together.
They say that the cardio system is the work of artery, but it is really just vein.
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Nice Ass-teroid.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
What is a wolf’s favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
You’re sucrose, you’re glucose,
You’re fructose and more,
From your head to your feet…
Which are stuck to the floor.
You’re Hershey’s, you’re Snickers,
You’re sweet English Toffee.
If you spit in my cup,
You’ll just sweeten my coffee.
I love you so much
That I’m getting frenetic,
But I can’t even kiss you,
’cause I’m diabetic.
(Kenneth J. Miller)
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
If you use the church's WiFi, are you receiving God's signal? -- Anonymous
Do I know you? Because you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
Go to BabaMail
