Are you a lateral pterygoid because you make my jaw drop.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
How do werewolves stop a video?
They press the paws button.
All farts...are laughing gas.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
I’m a hockey player; of course my stick is curved!
After completing the deadline just in the nick of time, the artist breathed a cyan of relief.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? Anywhere he wants to.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
Whatever you do this summer, be sure to make a splash.
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
The sun's favorite color is ultraviolet. Apparently, it glows with everything.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Do you know what is the actual difference between hell and hill? It is only a fine line.
Hey, let me take you out on a first date in the snow - I promise I'm not a flaky person.
I tried to hit the picture cleanly over the fence, but it was framed.
Oh, this flower in my hand? I was just showing it how beautiful you are.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
The airline lost my luggage, and so I sued them. Unfortunately, I lost the case.
How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.
How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party
They planet.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Why did the worm cross the ruler?
To become an inchworm
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
“Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.”
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
What is the worst type of blind people?
The Notsees.
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
What did the vegan wear to the beach?
A zucchini!
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
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