Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that had to deliver a large shipment of meat.
Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it.
Why did the run-on sentence think it was pregnant? Its period was late.
Hi, I hear you’re good at algebra… Will you replace my X without asking Y?
Hi, my friend thinks you're kinda cute, but I don't. I think you're absolutely gorgeous.
Q: How do you store water?
A: Cloud storage.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
"The dumbest people I know are those who Know It All."
– Malcolm Forbes
“Sending your kids to summer camp teaches them important life lessons... like, ‘You can deal with your problems by sending them to summer camp.’”
- Ari Fishbein.
Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? Because you are BeAuTi-ful.
My cat kept jumping onto my desk.
I had to put him down.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
My wife was watching me do some DIY and she said I hammer like lightning.
I never strike in the same place twice.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
At the end of the year, there is always a rock n’ bowl concert where everyone gets entertained.
He has some good puns on crows, but he doesn’t have to keep crowing about it.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
Alcoholism is the only disease that tries to convince you that you don’t have it.
“Do you think I’m crazy? You should see me with my best friend.”
— Unknown
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
"You have no reason to fear zombies, do you?"
Anonymous
What do you call a dinosaur that eats it's vegetables? A.brocileasoarus
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
The scarecrow won an award because it had been excellent in its field.
Your lips look so lonely. Would they like to meet mine?
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
What’s ET short for?
So he can fit in the spaceship!
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
Is a goat that eats office supplies on a staple diet?
Wish I was British so I could say "could you polish me nob?"
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
What is a flamingo's favorite thing to do at the weekend? Play fla-bingo.
If you think a meteor is hard, you should see what you are doing to my missile.
You must be chlorine cause you are polarizing my bond.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing."
- Natasha Leggero
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Do you like hot foods
If so, you definitely are what you eat.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
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