Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
“Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.”
- David Frost.
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
Q: How do Japanese artists bid farewell?
A: Cyan-Nara!
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he's a fun-gi.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention!
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
But I wouldn’t know,
I don’t get them from you.
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
I am glad my mobile phone has GPS because I am totally getting lost in your beautiful eyes.
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
How should you greet a Ghost? - Long time, no see.
I am terrified of people who urinate quietly.
After all, all psychos have a silent p.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
What is the cutest car?
A BM-cuddle-U
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine.
He immediately raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
The main difference between a dog and a basketball player is that one dribbles while the other one drools.
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
I really caribou-t you.
I've already heard seven cancer puns today.
If I hear tumor it's gonna benign.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
You’re the cutest clover in the patch.
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
"I lava you."
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I can’t believe,
You’re a monkey too
Is there a wormhole that will always take me directly to where you are?
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
Were you born in 1789? Because you’re a real classical beauty
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
I may not be Mumford, but do you want to have my sons?
Wanna have a bath with me.. you can play with my rubber dickie.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
What is the shortest month of the year?
M-A-Y.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
“A photographer gets people to pose for him. A yoga instructor gets people to pose for themselves.” — Terri Guillemets
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