Do you know karate cause your body is kickin'.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
Hey girl, I put the stud in Bible study.
What do you get when you cross a fawn with a bumblebee?
Bambee.
What’s a missionary’s favorite type of car?
A convertible.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
What did the doctor say to the nurse that was attractive to the patient with the staph infection?
"Why are you so abscess-ed with him?"
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
I visited Spain and couldn't stop looking at the architecture
It was very Moorish.
Someone from Southern France sent me an MS Word file with 200 pages.
It's a Languedoc.
If you wake up in a RED room, with no windows or doors, don't be alarmed, you're just in my heart.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
What do you call a goat that’s lazy?
Billy Idle.
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
Let me call you my sunshine because you make me so hot.
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
You octopi my thoughts.
Did you see the glitch earlier? You weren’t listed as the top hottest single.
You’re like my coffee, you keep me up all night.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."
~ Ray Kroc
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Come, let’s measure the coefficient of friction between us.
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What do you call a married couple who compete in the marathon side-by-side?
Running mates.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
Are you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you.
I used to live in in Aragon, in Spain.
Then I left.
I'm Aragone.
Let's get out of here and explore the North Pole. I'm a rebel without a Claus.
Go to BabaMail
