Give me extra time; I’ll prove to you that I’m worth it.
How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? Tea Rex?
Is your father a boxer?
Because baby, you're a knockout.
Give me just a FRACTION of your heart and I will SOLVE all of your problems.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
What happened when Frankenstein’s monster first met his girlfriend?
It was love at first fright.
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play hide-and-seek. Einstein is "It," closes his eyes, counts to 10, and then opens them. Pascal is nowhere to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to one side. Einstein says, "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!" Newton says, "No no, no. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!"
Writers are cold because they’re surrounded by drafts.
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To bock traffic.
"I'm dyeing to know what's up."
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
There was an Old Lady whose folly,
Induced her to sit on a holly;
Whereon by a thorn,
Her dress being torn,
She quickly became melancholy.
“What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.”
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
- A. A. Milne
I asked the older woman at work what she is doing for Valentine’s Day and she said that she was taking her husband to the Cardiologist. The heart wants what the heart wants.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
You've stolen a pizza my heart.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
If there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I have been searching for!
“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”
Doug Larson
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Do you play hockey? 'Cause I wouldn't mind poke-checking you.
Go to BabaMail
