What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What is the perfect day to go to the beach?
Sun-day!
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
Whoever slit the sheets is a good sheet slitter.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
Did you just move from the subdominant to the supertonic? Because I think you’re my perfect counterpoint.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
You can tickle my ivories anytime, baby.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
The couple who married during autumn lived apple-ly ever after!
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
Scrambled eggs are similar to a losing basketball team because both are beaten.
Chester Cheetah chews a chunk of cheep cheddar cheese.
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
The pirate steals arrrrt when he has the chance.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
What do you think holds the moon up? Moonbeams.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Two tiny timid toads trying to trot to Tarrytown.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
I had a rainbow for lunch. I'm trying to eat light.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
Which lawn decorations move around from yard to yard?
Gnomads.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
How many saws could a see-saw saw if a see-saw could saw saws?
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