I'd take that cackhanded banana-bender on a walkabout
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
I can love you more than a cowboy loves a fat calf.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What does a gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
“I don’t need the facts. I’m a Pisces.”
— Phil Volatile
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
You are so hot, you must be what is causing Global Warming.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Why can't basketball players go on vacation?
They aren't allowed to travel.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
Dublin over in laughter.
A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by.
The sphinx said to the man, "You may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"
The man thought for a moment and answered, "Imagination."
"Wrong," said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom."
“Best Friend: One million memories, ten thousand inside jokes, one hundred shared secrets.”
— Unknown
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
My little girl just asked for a goodnight kiss on her nose....
I said I can't kiss that thing it smells!
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
You are pitcher perfect.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
Cutest clover in the patch.
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Yah.
Yah who?
No, I prefer Google.
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
You're not allowed to use your hands in this game.
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
When the theatre owner dies, his visitation hours are as follows: 1pm, 3pm, 6:30 pm, 9pm, and midnight.
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
“A true friend is someone who is there for you when they would rather be someplace else.”
– Len Wein
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass." — Rodney Dangerfield,
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early"
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
"I'm eggs-hausted."
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
Go to BabaMail
