What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
I'm having a sale in my bedroom. My clothes are 100% off.
You know you’re getting old when…
There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
You must be Australian because you've turned my life upside-down.
The other day I put out a big dangerous open fire!
The other people on the hot air balloon didn't appreciate me for some reason.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
A 9 hour time difference wouldn't keep me from you.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
"Just one hot chick."
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
The best way to get back at someone is to push them in the snow; after all, revenge is a dish best served cold.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
The superconductor left without resistance.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
If your mom slaps you with high frequency -
It Hertz
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
What do zombies use to color their hair?
Dye of the dead!
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
There was an Old Person of Cromer,
Who stood on one leg to read Homer;
When he found he grew stiff,
He jumped over the cliff,
Which concluded that Person of Cromer.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
If a flower grew every time you’d cross my mind, I’d have a field of flowers.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
I just pooped in my bed. Can I sleep in yours?
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
Girlfriend wants to get married...
This came as startling news, I don't want her to!
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"Time to wine down."
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
Go to BabaMail
