Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.

Which car is a Ghost’s favourite? It is between a Boogatti or a Rolls-Royce Phantom.

If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.

What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!

What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad

Look for a rainbow connection.

What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.

What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!

I asked my husband to please press pause on the movie We were watching.
He called the dog over for the task, wanted to press his paws.

What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.

Wanna go outside.
Oh NO! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.

Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.

How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.

I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive

"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."

- Carroll Bryant.

Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.

"Do you play the trom-bone?"

What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak?
They stay in Quran-tine.

What's a werewolf healed from Lycanthropy?
Over the moon.

The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.

Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.

How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!

Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!

Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

Each time the cow escaped, the farmer would find him hiding in Moo York City.

Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!

During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.

Thanksgiving sucks where it is now. It’s too close to Christmas. We don’t need back-to-back holidays where we go home and sleep on a twin bed after mainlining gravy.” — Seth Meyers

When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day

“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale

Wanna see my world cup in action?

What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks

What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.

Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.

We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.

What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!

Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.

The theoretic turtle started out to see the toad;
He came to a stop at a liberty-pole in the middle of the road.
“Now how, in the name of the spouting whale,” the indignant turtle cried,
“Can I climb this perpendicular cliff, and get on the other side?
If I only could make a big balloon, I’d lightly over it fly;
Or a very long ladder might reach the top, though it does look fearfully high.
If a beaver were in my place, he’d gnaw a passage through with his teeth;
I can’t do that, but I can dig a tunnel and pass beneath.”
He was digging his tunnel, with might and main, when a dog looked down at the hole.
“The easiest way, my friend,” said he, “is to walk around the pole.”

(Amos Russel Wells)

What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission

My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.

What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.

It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.

An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.

What happens if you break the brain scanner?

My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.

What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.

My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”

Here is my libary card, because im checking you out.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!