How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.

Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.

Ma'am, I am looking for a running partner, for the rest of my life.

I yam what I yam.

Fir sure.

What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.

Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.

Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.

The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin

If ice cream could be grown on the tree top,
Tiny tummies would be liking it lots.
Any fruit flavour
For all to savour.
Do stop by at the ice cream tree shop.

If only the trees could grow lollipops
With a sharp tangy taste of lemon drops.
Lolly licky-lick
With a zingy twist.
Come along with a skip and a hop.

If chocolate heaven grew on tree leaf,
Bountiful, tempting, delicious to eat,
A smooth, silky, treat
In a chocy feast.
If only they weren't so out of reach.

If bubblegum grew upon trees that blew
Bubbles in the air, to catch and to chew.
Be nimble, be quick;
Remember the trick.
Don't swallow, because gum sticks like glue.

All are welcome at the Candy Tree Shops.
Feast your eyes on all the goodies they've got.
There are enough treats
For all down the streets,
So come and join the jiggery-jog.

(By Beryl L Edmonds)

I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon

What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.

What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.

What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!

What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.

Pretty lady, I guess wishes do come true, seeing as a boy like me met a a girl like you.

What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!

Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be called hell.

Advice for those in,
a difficult position.
First, be flexible.

I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!

Irish food is legen-dairy.

Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.

What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.

"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."

- Immortal Souls.

Baby, I didn't buy any fireworks this year, because you're the only one who lights up my sky.

A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”

What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.

Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.

Are you the moon? Because even when it’s dark you still seem to shine.

I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...

Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"

Are you undressing me with your eyes?!

Shut up the shutters and sit in the shop.

Did your parents work on The Manhattan Project? Because you’re the bomb!

I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.

From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.

Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.

Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.

I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.

Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.

What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.

A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.

The little boy autumn-bled over the pile of fallen leaves and yellow-d for help.

Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?

Why are fish so smart Because they swim in schools!

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.

A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.

When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”
— C.S. Lewis

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.