“PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.”
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
You must be Drumheller, ‘cause I totally dig you.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Do you know why you need to get up early? Because you’re the sunshine.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
Why did the skeleton start the fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p.e.n.i.s?
The spine.
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket.
Why did the computer leave the restroom crying?
It said, "it hurts when IP."
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
Calm before the score
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
Why did the bunny cross the road?
To go to the hare dresser.
Was scared to approach you honestly, but I decided to take a Nata-leap of faith.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Help! I need your number in my long-term memory.
This is snow laughing matter!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Avenue.
Avenue who?
Avenue knocked on this door before?
Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
It's ice to meet you.
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it. Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in India, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Hey girl, if you were a turkey you'd only need minimal basting because you're already so juicy.
The scare crow was out standing in his field, so he got awarded as the best employee of the year.
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
What did the lipstick say after he let down his friend?
I’ll make it up to you.
We’re traveling winter-nationally.
My heart rate’s always higher when I hike with you.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
“At some point in life, the world’s beauty becomes enough.”
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
Why are volcanos so nice?
They lava you.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
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