When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
I think I’m developing tics. I just can’t help but wink at you.
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Rocker.
I think I've just found one.
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.
Is your name Wi-fi? Because I'm really feeling a connection.
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” —Dorothy Parker
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
Here comes the sun of my life
I just had to tell you. Your beauty made me truly appreciate being able to see.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
Give me your number so I can make the call.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
Man: Your face must turn a few heads!
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs!
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
“Hiking is the only slightly less ugly stepsister of running.” – Lindy Hughes
Is that a fugue I can hear? Because we’re about to get entangled
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
I'm snow bored.
Is your name Alice? ‘cause baby I can show you Wonderland.
Make love, not war.
Or if you want to do both – get married!
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
If I had to choose between breathing and loving you, I'd take my last breath to say "I Love You".
I love you from my head tomatoes.
There was a fisherman named Fisher
who fished for some fish in a fissure.
Till a fish with a grin,
pulled the fisherman in.
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.
“Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.”
— Tony Smite
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
You have to hunt down a troll and kill it with a gun. After you find it, you accidently lose sight of it. In rage, you fire your gun. The bullets hit the troll and it dies.
What do you tell the person who sent you on the quest?
- I lost gun-trol.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
Go to BabaMail
