Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
When I look into the Mirror of Erised, I see you giving me your number.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What's your name? Because I'll be screaming it all night long.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity and it’s impossible to put down.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
Dreaming in color is the artist's pigment of imagination.
What do you get when you cross ants with ticks?
All sorts of antics.
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
How can you tell if you’ve told a really funny Irish joke?
People will be Dublin over with laughter!
Do you know why you need to get up early? Because you’re the sunshine.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
How does one astronaut on the moon tell another astronaut that he is sorry?
He apollo-gises.
A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle.
The world’s population is split sort of evenly between men and women, making the average human part male, part female, and a complete pain to shop for.
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
I only like smooth leather
and my opinion will never be suede.
There was an Old Person of Mold,
Who shrank from sensations of cold,
So he purchased some muffs,
Some furs and some fluffs,
And wrapped himself from the cold.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
I'm a supervillain from Italy, I have the power to infect people with deadly diseases.
It’s-a-me, Malario.
"On cloud wine."
Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?
The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
"There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey." -Unknown
I went to the butcher's the other day and asked them, how do you prepare your turkey for Thanksgiving?
They said that they just tell them straight out that you're gonna die.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
Hey (say their name), I know this is not a chat room but my lips want to chat with yours.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” —Erma Bombeck
Has Spotify contacted you yet? Because you are the hottest single in this club.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Girl you must have swallowed a speaker, cause your beauty is louder than the rest
Are you the Mayflower? Because you have been sailing through my head
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
My game is just like Alexander Keith's: "Those who like it, like it a lot."
You are un-beer-lievable!
I want you to know how deeply I feel,
And know that these wishes are so true and real.
May you have a bright and love-filled day,
And may all happy things come your way.
I wish for you many smiles and laughter,
And to come home to my arms so happy ever after.
May it rain gumdrops, chocolate and money,
And I hope that today is comedic and funny.
And as you receive all these wonderful things,
Remember it was me who wished you all these blessings.
And know that these wishes were truly meant,
But just so you know, my cut is 50 percent!
We are a couple after all!
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress? Rep. Tile!
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
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