Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat?
Dunkin' Donuts
There’s a rumor going ‘round it’s my birthday today;
they say that I’m seventy years old..…no way.
too many candles to light,
it would take into the night.
When did I suddenly turn old and grey.
Some say I’m an old man and not too smart,
but I say don’t put the horse behind the cart;
‘cause age is just a number
not something to encumber,
and this old man is still young at heart.
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
What is it called when a cowboy dies and comes back to life?
Reintarnation
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
I bet your muffled screams are as cute as u.
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
Will Ferrell
A mean crook going down stairs = A condescending con, descending
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
Baby, you can drive my car if we let it be.
Are you a practice room? Because I want you and I hope you're not taken
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Airlines have nowadays become so cash strapped that they charge you for everything including emotional baggage.
Angel, I want to run all the way with you.
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
Where do werewolf go if their tails fall off?
A re-tail store.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” —George Bernard Shaw
A tutor who tooted the flute tried to teach two young tooters to toot. Said the two to the tutor, ‘Is it harder to toot, or to tutor two tooters to toot?
Aria free next Friday for dinner?
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”
Phyllis Diller
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Owl always love you.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
The weather outside is snow joke.
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
You must be one spicy dish because you're making my heart burn.
Knock Knock Jokes
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
The beauty with bowling is that you can get three strikes, but you still remain in the game.
When I look into the future, I see you giving me your number.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
Go to BabaMail
