This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
That dress would look great on my bedroom floor!
What do you call a hospital ward full of epeliptic vegetables?
Seizure salad
The temperature can only go up from here.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
Did you hear Ireland is the fastest-growing country in Europe?
Its population is always Dublin.
Alzheimer's Center Prepares For An Affair To Remember.
It takes one to snow one.
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
What did the deer’s mother say to her daughter on her birthday?
“I remember the day you were fawn!”
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
“She says you’re not awake until you’re actually out of bed and standing up.”
– Richelle Mead
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
Hey cutie nice pants, got any room in there for me.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
We make a great pear
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
Which side of a deer has the best meat?
The inside.
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
What did the thief steal on the theatre's opening night? The spotlight.
There was an Old Lady whose folly,
Induced her to sit on a holly;
Whereon by a thorn,
Her dress being torn,
She quickly became melancholy.
Swiping can be such dangerous territory, but I think I’ve a Safe Harper in this match
Do you wanna know a secret? I'm in love with you.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
Do you believe in love at first set? Or should I curl this barbell another 10 times?
What is Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola.
My magical watch says you aren’t wearing any panties. Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast!
My love, you are getting up there
Your age is climbing high
I am confident that I should stop talking
Or I may surely die!
Age is just a number,
Or so that’s what they say
And even though you are getting older,
I love you anyway.
I cannoli be happy
There's a new erectile dysfunction medicine on the market
Its called mycoxaflopin
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
There was an Old Person of Cheadle,
Who was put in the stocks by the beadle
For stealing some pigs,
Some coats, and some wigs,
That horrible person of Cheadle.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
My mom: son, why did I find "how to delete your history" in your history?
Me: because it was useless.
We are mint to be.
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