I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
Hey boy, I like your Irwin inspired outfit.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
I'm currently dating a famous soccer player. He's so loving and caring towards me.
He's a keeper.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Or maybe it’s baseball players because they’re so great at hitting it off.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
I pitcher us together forever.
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
The computer had to visit the dentist at the very earliest opportunity as it had a BlueTooth!
What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight? A power failure.
My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body..
He’ll be born in March.
In my own version of the periodic table of elements, the number one element is U.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
You're quite the catch, baby.
Gardening is a matter of your enthusiasm holding up until your back gets used to it
— Author Unknown
Love is like a fart - if you have to force it it's probably crap.
Baby, you make all my binary search trees balance.
Heya, howl you doin'? Yikes, sorry, that was a ruff start.
When the theatre owner dies, his visitation hours are as follows: 1pm, 3pm, 6:30 pm, 9pm, and midnight.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
If you were even half as gorgeous as me, I'd consider sleeping with you.
Our school trip was a special occasion.
But we never reacher our destination.
Instead of the zoo.
I was locked in the loo.
of the toilet at the service station!
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Leaf me alone.
How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
A frog says, "Ribbit, Ribbit" and a horny toad says, "Rub it, Rub it".
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Did I just step into an E. M. Forster novel? Because any room with you in it is A Room with a View.
You're a Catch Worthy of a Gold Glove
There was a Young Person of Crete,
Whose toilette was far from complete;
She dressed in a sack,
Spickle-speckled with black,
That ombliferous person of Crete.
If my love were music, you'd be the most beaituful lyrics in the songbook
What kind of person would sell someone a sham-rock?
A lepre-con!
How did the cowboy greet the equestrian?
Howdy Neigh-bor.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
Why does NASA give astronauts pencils to use in space?
Because they've got the Write Stuff.
I found out my wife is really a ghost.
I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
Go to BabaMail
