Which musical group did Frankenstein not like at all?
The Village People.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
“You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.”
– Diane Von Furstenberg
There was an Old Person of Mold,
Who shrank from sensations of cold,
So he purchased some muffs,
Some furs and some fluffs,
And wrapped himself from the cold.
What do you get when someone stares coldly at you?
Glare ice.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
What do a rabid rabbit and a basketball player have in common?
Mad hops.
What’s the difference between Spring Break and Summer Break?
Jumping on the bed won’t make a Summer Break.
There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language.
But I could never string together enough words to properly express how beautiful you are.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
Do you breathe oxygen? We have so much in common.
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
It's lit.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
Every time when I see a picture of something amazing in space, I usually say “That’s totally far out.”
If you can join the seas and the rivers, why not join your lips and mine?
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
I wrote you a song, but it’s not very good
I wanted to serenade you, the best way I could
But it came out more, like a list of complaints
Because as much as I love you
Some days you drive me insane
(Anonymous)
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Lettuce go on a long drive.
“It’s just another manic Monday. I wish it was Sunday. ‘Cause, that’s my fun day. My, I don’t have to run day.”
— Prince Rogers Nelson
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
Why are fisherman so stingy?
Their jobs make them sel-fish!
"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
Roses are red, my face is too.. that only happens when I see you.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
You're so fine that I wouldn't care if you were dead or alive!
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass." - Mac MacGuff in Juno
I asked my Chinese friend what it's like living in China
He says he can't complain.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
There was an Old Man who said, 'How
Shall I flee from that horribke cow?
I will sit on this stile,
And continue to smile,
Which may soften the heart of that cow.'
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
Go to BabaMail
