Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I would really love to run away with you.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
There was an Old Man in a boat,
Who said, 'I'm afloat, I'm afloat!'
When they said, 'No! you ain't!'
He was ready to faint,
That unhappy Old Man in a boat.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
As my wife was giving birth, all the doctors and nurses started yelling, “Push! Push!”
I was convinced it was a Pull door.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
Growth takes time. Be patient. And while you’re waiting, pull a weed.
— Emilie Barnes
There’s something that I need to ask,
I’ve gotta know if it’s true,
Please tell me, are you an email?
Because I want to be attached to you!
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
You octopi my thoughts.
How does a volleyball team welcome their new neighbors? With a block party.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
- Mark Twain
“Good mashed potato is one of the great luxuries of life.” —Lindsey Bareham
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
"For peep's sake."
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
Airlines have nowadays become so cash strapped that they charge you for everything including emotional baggage.
"I went out with a guy once who told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, 'I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.'"
- Chelsea Handler
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
Are you a Pepsi? Because you're so-da-licious!
What is the worst type of blind people?
The Notsees.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What do France and a pigeon have in common?
Every 5 minutes, there is a coo.
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn’t — the road moved back underneath him.
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
My entire family keeps asking why I’m still single. Want to help me change that?
Go to BabaMail
