What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
Are those space pants? Cause your ass is out of this world.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
What does a ghoul say when they wake up?
Gaaarrrh I love the smell of ghoul in the morning!
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
"Technology is getting smarter and smarter: smartphones, smartwatches, smart homes… Only people remain stupid no matter what."
- Anna LeMind
Man: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
Woman: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Amanda
Amanda who?
A man da fix your sink!
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
Do you know what it's called when you see the sun, the moon and the stars all at the same time?
Really good acid.
If I had to describe myself in 3 words?
Lazy.
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
Is there a science room nearby, or am I just sensing chemistry between us?
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Roses are red
violets are blue.
I hate poems
even more than I hate you.
Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
There was an Old Person of Prague,
Who was suddenly seized with the Plague;
But they gave his some butter,
Which caused him to mutter,
And cured that Old Person of Prague.
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
I promise I'm good for more than just a one-timer.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Why did the blonde volleyball player end up getting fired from her waitressing job? Someone said she needed to serve the food.
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
I was so amazed by your beauty that I had to run to the wall over there. So, I need to get your number and name to claim my insurance.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
Are you a customs agent? I feel like I need to declare my love to you.
Nice life preservers.
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
What's wrong with these people tonight?
They're screaming I gave them a fright.
"A black cat!" they shriek,
but only last week
they held me; I purred with delight.
These neighborhood kids are so weird.
On Halloween night I am feared.
The rest of the time,
my life is sublime.
To all of them, I've been endeared.
It soon will be November First,
and I'll be no longer accursed.
I'll hear, "Look at that,
a beautiful cat!"
Man! Halloween night is the worst.
- Janice Canerdy
Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?
He couldn't focus on the negatives.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
The painter did not want to sit idle because he knew that time white for no one.
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet
I asked my 15 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
FSH!
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
Go to BabaMail
