Have you heard about some bones on the moon? Looks like the cow couldn’t make it after all.
Charles Dickens might have given you Great Expectations, but I can meet them.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
I said to my boss the other day, "I need to leave early today, I'm going to be a father!"
"Of course", he replied. "Take the afternoon off."
When I returned to work the next day, my boss came to my desk.
"Well, how'd it go? Is it a boy or a girl?"
"I dunno", I said, "I'll tell you in nine months."
Daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no, so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said...
"Then why are you shaking?"
Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!
How does Robin Hood get from here to there?
In an “arrow plane.”
Ooh, you look boo-tilicious!
Everywhere’s a palace when I get to be with Alice
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
Where do crows try their luck?
Ma-cau
Everybody romaine calm.
You're the macaroni to my cheese.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
Car Salesman: And if you don't like this color, we have another one in "Boulder Gray"
Me: Gray isn't very bold to begin with, how did you make it bolder?
The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry."
How about dinner?
How does herpes get out of the hospital ?
On crotches.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Only a**holes use bidets.
There was an Old Person of Cromer,
Who stood on one leg to read Homer;
When he found he grew stiff,
He jumped over the cliff,
Which concluded that Person of Cromer.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Are you an overdue book? Because you have fine written all over you!
Hey baby, you’ve captured my eye. Could I have it back?
There was a Young Lady of Dorking,
Who bought a large bonnet for walking;
But its colour and size,
So bedazzled her eyes,
That she very soon went back to Dorking.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
Who is never hungry on Thanksgiving?
The turkey, because he’s already stuffed!
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
I guess you can say my misunderstanding of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles
Elbow.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Why did the coyote cross the road?
It was chasing the road runner.
Error 404: Your number is not found on my phone.
Today is your birthday, don’t pull your hair,
Look in the mirror, nature was fair,
Not a day over twenty,
I’m kidding, you’re plenty.
Don’t mean to burst your bubble,
But stop asking for trouble,
You know what I mean,
When you drink that caffeine.
What should I bring?
Just give me a ring.
Elephant or clown?
I knew you would frown.
(Martin Dejnicki)
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Go to BabaMail
