What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.

Did you hear about the B I V G R O Y rainbow?
The poor thing has a deviated spectrum.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!

How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head

Elizabeth has eleven elves in her elm tree.

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.”
– Maxwell Maltz

What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.

Have you heard of the martial artists who fought on the beach?
They faced off in sand-to-sand combat.

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.

Let’s take an elfie.

How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.

Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.

What is a lightyear?
The same as a regular year, but with less calories.

Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.

Which basketball team is the favorite at the North Pole?
The New York Old Saint Knicks.

Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.

The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.

Crowing, crowing, gone.

I could tell you a COVID joke...
But it would take two weeks for you to get it.

What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.

When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend
But it was just my imaginasian.

"Good things come slow. Especially in distance running."
Bill Dellinger

Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.

What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.

I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.

Hey Erin, ever heard that sharin’ is carin’? Care to share a meal together sometime?

‘Tis the sea-sun to be jolly.

What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.

Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.

Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.

“I don’t like Sunday nights because you have to wake up to a Monday morning.”

I like you very mulch. I think about you every daisy.

“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy.” - Anonymous

How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux.

Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.

When god gave out bodies, he did it in alphabetical order.
GOD: And to you, horse, I give you a golden mane, great strength and speed, and a giant gait. You will be the noblest of beasts, and men will love you.

HORSEFLY (next in line): Oh man this is gonna be gooood.

I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.

If ice cream could be grown on the tree top,
Tiny tummies would be liking it lots.
Any fruit flavour
For all to savour.
Do stop by at the ice cream tree shop.

If only the trees could grow lollipops
With a sharp tangy taste of lemon drops.
Lolly licky-lick
With a zingy twist.
Come along with a skip and a hop.

If chocolate heaven grew on tree leaf,
Bountiful, tempting, delicious to eat,
A smooth, silky, treat
In a chocy feast.
If only they weren't so out of reach.

If bubblegum grew upon trees that blew
Bubbles in the air, to catch and to chew.
Be nimble, be quick;
Remember the trick.
Don't swallow, because gum sticks like glue.

All are welcome at the Candy Tree Shops.
Feast your eyes on all the goodies they've got.
There are enough treats
For all down the streets,
So come and join the jiggery-jog.

(By Beryl L Edmonds)

Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.

A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."

Is your Wi-Fi on because I can feel a very strong connection with you?

I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.

What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!

There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.

What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.

This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?

What does a chocolate crow say? “Cacao!”

Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring

Do you play hockey? 'Cause I wouldn't mind poke-checking you.