What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
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