What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
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