Why was the broom late? It over swept!
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!