Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
Can February March? No. But April May.
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
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