What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
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