Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
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