What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
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