What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
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