Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
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