What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose!
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
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