What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
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