Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
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