What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
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