What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
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