Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
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