Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
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