What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
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