A man with a crippling stutter visits his doctor hoping for a cure. He walks into the doctor's office and says:
"D D D D Doctor, you've g g g g got to help m m m me, I'll d d do anyth th th th thing."
The doctor gives him a thorough physical examination, and sure enough discovers the problem....
"Your genitals are massive, and it's causing a great strain on your vocal chords, which is creating the stutter. I can, if you'd like, shorten your penis and relieve the great tension on your larynx. The effects will be instantaneous, and we can operate today."
"D D D D Do it!"
So they prep for surgery and very quickly the operation is performed. It's a complete success, and the man leaves for home delighted to be cured. But that night his wife finds out what he did. She is very unhappy and urges him to reverse the surgery.
The next day, the man returns to the doctor's surgery.
"Hello doctor, and thanks for seeing me again. I'm completely cured and most of all I'm very grateful, but unfortunately my wife is not, I want to reverse the surgery."
The doctor replies: "N N N N N N No Refunds!"
A newbee hunter asked a experienced old hunter how to hunt bears.
The old man answered:" It is easy, my son. I've hunted hundreds of bears in my life. You just need to grab your gun and take a ride to some mountains nearby.
First, find a cave or stone cavern that might shelter a bear.
Second, make some 'Woo! Woo!' sound so that the bear inside would mistake it as a signal of its companion. It should also make the same sound back at you. After it comes out, you just pull the trigger. Easy, right?" The newbee nodded and exited without coming back for months.
After a long time, the old hunter saw that newbee on a street and found him crippled, with an ear lost and an eye blind.
He asked him what happened. The newbee says: "I did as what you told me before. But god darn it, when something inside that cavern answered my 'Woo! Woo!', I didn't expect a train would come out and hit me!"