Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body? Would you mind one more?
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
Is that a bat in your pocket, or does my costume excite you?
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
Why did the vampire get a COVID test?
Because he was COFFIN.
Why don’t we go somewhere where I can stick a candle in your jack-o-lantern?
Tom Hanks just got the Corona virus.
They had to lock the whole Cast Away.
Hey Baby, wanna find out why they call me Pumpkin-Head?
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?
No country for old men.
I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.
But I decided it was poor taste.
I really hope Santa can figure out how to make all his deliveries this year due to Covid-19......
I hear he just ran out of santa-tizer.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.
Nice pumpkins!
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.
That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I’d be coming too.
John Travolta has been diagnosed with the Corona Virus.
He had chills that were multiplying.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
“Working from home.”
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
You know what they say... Big Feet.
Hey, Baby do you want to see what tricks my treat could do?
If Corona virus is just a beer virus..
Then it’s just a yeast infection!
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.
She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.
she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.
she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
Best thing that has ever happened to me.
I'm tired of this old broom. Got anything else I can ride?
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
I could tell you a COVID joke...
But it would take two weeks for you to get it.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns.
You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
What do you get when a raven flies into a group of 18 crows?
Corvid-19.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
What quarantine really taught me?
That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.
Dad jokes are like Corona.
Everybody gets It but not everyone can laugh about It.
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