52 Quarantine and Corona Virus Jokes

While there's nothing funny about the Covid-19 virus itself. It's the nature of humanity to deal with scary situations by laughing at its face. It's not making light of the situation, it's the jokes that make fun of something we're all currently scared of, giving us moments of, albeit grim, levity.

What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?
No country for old men.
Tom Hanks just got the Corona virus.
They had to lock the whole Cast Away.
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."

People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown.
He’s a key worker, you see.
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
What quarantine really taught me?
That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.
Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?
Because she went to woo Han.
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO.
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
Dad jokes are like Corona.
Everybody gets It but not everyone can laugh about It.
If Corona virus is just a beer virus..
Then it’s just a yeast infection!
John Travolta has been diagnosed with the Corona Virus.
He had chills that were multiplying.
Corona crisis reaches new level:
Iran out of toilet paper.
I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"

She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"

I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here."
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
With Coronavirus and our impending doom, I guess no one really had 2020 vision after all.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing but this is as close as I could get.
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.

She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.

she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.

she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.

Best thing that has ever happened to me.
Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis...
Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.
With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..
“Made in China”
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
Ok, so if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns.
You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.
What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak?
They stay in Quran-tine.
As the local drunk, I'm quite worried about the corona virus.
It's got potential tequila lot of people.
Why can't corona virus jokes go viral?
Because people are laughing into their elbows.
I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend.
None of you are invited.
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
What's the difference between butter and the corona virus?
Corona actually spreads.
Please stop with all the corona jokes.
I‘m sick of it.
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
Definition of Irony - When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation?
Mumbai.
What do Saturday and Sunday have in common with the corona virus?
The weakend.
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
I'm using a bra for a face mask.
I like to keep abreast of corona security measures.
Flat earthers fear 6 feet social distancing could push some people over the edge.