I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.