A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!