Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."