What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.