How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.