Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket