why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!