why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.