What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.