What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.