Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.