Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.