I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."