Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.