Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.