A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter