You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.