I can row a boat.
Canoe?
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.