What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.