Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"