Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"