I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
All farts...are laughing gas.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.