Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.