Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.