Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
My father got a new laptop, and it is now like the baby computer of the house, so we refer to the older laptop as the 'Data'.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no WiFi and couldn't find the information I wanted.
I wound up using cellular.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)