I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
Why was the hard drive scared of the large file?
Because it was a terror-byte.
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
Some guy asked dad for the WiFi code.
Shrugging his shoulders and giving a sympathetic look, he responded: I can't figure her out either.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
One day, I carried my laptop to the zoo because I wanted a RAM upgrade so I would have lots of memory when I came back.
My father got a new laptop, and it is now like the baby computer of the house, so we refer to the older laptop as the 'Data'.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.