I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
Why did the hard drive crash?
Because it had a bad driver.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
Apparently my password needs to be capitals only so I've changed it to LONDONMADRIDROME.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
Today I Learned I should NOT have my password be the name of my cat.
I then turned to my cat and said, "Well, wJ:cg/v&A;6BTt, I guess it's back to the drawing board."
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."