How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Was going to change my password to MilkyTea but apparently that's too weak.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
One day, I carried my laptop to the zoo because I wanted a RAM upgrade so I would have lots of memory when I came back.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!